I have a confession to make…

I haven’t written in over two weeks. Okay I wrote one little scene that was less than 1,500 words. But I’m not even sure where that scene is going to fit in yet, definitely not for another 10-20k words for sure. I haven’t given up on my WIP, it’s more like I “stalled”. Last time I wrote, I was at that point where you ask yourself “okay, what next?” People who outline their plots before beginning to write don’t usually have this problem. Unfortunately for me, I am not one of those people. I started my WIP in January with nothing more than a vague idea of what the story would be about (which, as you can imagine, has changed a few times since then).

So when I got stuck at the “what next?” point, I stopped writing. Decided I needed a few days off to collect my thoughts. Do some character research. I did that, but it didn’t get me back in the writing groove. I decided I should do some research on plot, how to define it, how to make it work. Did that (sort of, though I definitely could’ve done more and will probably end up going back to that this weekend). In reading about plot, I kept coming across the word “scene”. Hmmmm, apparently a scene is not the same as a chapter. Any idiot should know that, right? Well I’m not just any idiot I guess! It seems I need to take some time to figure out how to craft a scene. Great.

The majority of my non-writing time over the past two-three weeks has been spent on twitter and blogger in search of advice on how to get my story together. Larry Brooks (storyfix.com) has great info on his site, but honestly it’s too freaking complicated for me. I can’t do all that planning before hand. It’s like writing the whole story w/out the details, and then going back and filling in all the good stuff later. No thanks. As always, Holly Lisle has info to help out. I downloaded 2 of her ebooks, one on plot and the other on how to create page turning scenes. I have skimmed them but I need to really dig in. Hopefully this weekend. I also found a blog that gives tips on both novel writing and screenwriting which I think is very helpful. http://thedarksalon.blogspot.com/   I highly recommend it.

I have to say that I’m getting a little tired of feeling like I never have enough time to get everything done that I want/need to. I remember the good old days when I used to have so much free time I’d get bored. I remember when I used to spend a lot of time READING. Reading fiction, not articles and books about writing! I can only imagine how many books I might’ve read in the past four months if I hadn’t been spending all this time on writing. And it leaves me, again, wondering the same thing I wondered in my past few blogs – is it worth it? Unfortunately I still don’t know the answer. Especially since I keep reading about authors who are forced to keep their day job to pay the bills, even after publishing their first book. I want to become a writer so I can stop being an administrative assistant. If that’s not possible, then wtf am I wasting my time for?...

The cost of writing... or DAMN how did I spend all that money?!?

A few days ago I started wondering how much money I’ve spent in the past four months on writing-related things (books, workshops, etc.). So I went through my receipts and credit card statements and made a spreadsheet. The grand total completely blew my mind. Even though about $500 of what I spent is going to the Pennwriters Conference in a few weeks ($235 for ticket & $280 or so for the hotel, but I’m hoping I can get my boyfriend to split the hotel cost with me!), I have still spent $1,100. In four months. On workshops, ebooks, print books, binders to hold things I print out, and on and on. I honestly hadn’t paid much attention to the amount of money I was spending, not thinking about the fact that $20 here and $40 here adds up pretty quick!

One of the more expensive things I’ve bought is the ongoing “How to Think Sideways” course by Holly Lisle. (If you’ve never heard of her, go google her right now. She has so much great stuff for readers it’s amazing.) It’s $47 a month, and a new lesson is sent every week. If you asked me “is it worth it?”, it would be hard for me to give a good answer. One, because I am broke as hell and $47 is a lot of money to me, while to other people it might not be as big a deal. Two, because unfortunately I have not followed the course as closely as I should’ve. I took a few weeks off, then I did a few lessons in one day, stuff like that. But I do think she gives a lot of info and great ideas, and if you follow along and do the exercises, it will help you immensely (and this is just my opinion, I am not getting anything out of “endorsing” her).

I’ve also done a few workshops and have a couple more starting soon. If you’re interested in checking some out, you can google “online writing workshops”. Or if you write romantic fiction, definitely check out savvyauthors.com. They offer a ton of workshops, between $10-30. I always print out all the posts from the workshops to save, because you never know when something you’ve read there might come in handy. And of course it always helps to participate too! You can get feedback from your instructors and from other writers taking the course as well.

Then there are the business cards I bought. I read a few articles saying they’re good to have even if you’re just starting out. It makes sense because I’m going to that conference in a few weeks and if I get lucky and happen to meet an agent or editor that likes my idea, I will have my contact info ready. If not, I’ll just hang onto the cards until I need them, it’s not like they expire or anything (I just can’t change my cell phone number any time soon lol!). I can’t remember all the sites I read tips about what to put on your business cards, but I do remember one. inkyfreshpress.com (cool name, huh?). The posts also link to a few sites that will make your business cards (I used zazzle).

There are a few more random things that I spent my hard earned cash on, but for now this is all I can handle admitting to hehehe. What about you guys? Have you spent any money on advancing your writing? A little, a lot? What did you spend it on? And most importantly, do you think it was worth the (monetary) cost?

Making time for writing

Well I got over my negativity from Tuesday. I have been researching online all week about character and plot development. I plan on spending this weekend working on all of that and basically doing what I probably should’ve done before I started writing. I have a little over 21k words written, which is more than I’ve written on one manuscript ever. I don’t want to give up, but I get very frustrated sometimes. Not only is it hard to work a 40 hour week and try to write in your free time, but it’s hard when you’re at your job thinking about how much you hate it and wish you could be at home writing instead (which is what I’m doing *right now*). But I am in debt and paying rent and I can not afford to quit my 9-5, not now or anytime in the foreseeable future.

So what’s left is for me to fit in time for writing somewhere else in my schedule. Which is going to be hard because I already spend a lot of my free time on twitter and blogger, keeping up with new info and tips and blogs and on and on. (Which reminds me, I keep seeing articles being tweeted on how you should blog every day. EVERY DAY? Sure, who needs sleep? Certainly not me!) I don’t watch much tv, but the shows that I do watch, I watch with my boyfriend. And he’s already gotten upset with me, saying that I haven’t been paying enough attention to him since I started “this writing thing.” And I’m not saying that he hasn’t been supportive, because he has. But he wants me to make time for him too, which is completely understandable.

**I now interrupt this blog to say thank you to Heather Sunseri and Katie Lovett who both wrote great blogs that I read today, reminding me why I need to spend less time on the internet (aka the biggest time-suck EVER) and more time doing actual writing.

I'm feeling a little cheerier now and I don't want to waste anymore time complaining, so I’m gonna end this right here. Until next time! :)

Overwhelmed and Underenthused

I’m having another one of those days when I ask myself if I’m sure that writing is really what I want to do. Yesterday I was reading (for the zillionth time) about how important it is for both established authors and beginner writers to have a “platform” to help market themselves. Twitter, blogger, on and on. How am I supposed to find time to keep on top of that stuff and write my novel while I work a full time 40 hr/week job? People always say you can find more time if you straighten out your priorities and maybe give up a few things. But I don’t have that much to even give up, and the few things I do spend my time doing I don’t want to give up.

I love my boyfriend and I’ve already been spending a lot less time w/ him than usual since I started my novel. I only go out two or three nights a week and I refuse to become a recluse who wont leave her house. And sleep? I need sleep, I love sleep… What it comes down to is I wanna know why I can’t be a writer and still have somewhat of a life? Or more accurately, why *shouldn’t I be able to*?

Yesterday I also spent TWO hours making business cards for myself. First I couldn’t choose a design, then my laptop shut itself off in the middle and I lost everything and had to start over. Then I was fixing fixing fixing because I am a perfectionist. But what I failed to realize during these two hours is that I am putting the cart way before the horse. I have 21k of a first draft written, and I’m concerned with business cards?? Ugh.

Today I started doubting myself and thinking that maybe my WIP sucks. Maybe writing in 1st person POV with two characters both narrating is a bad idea. Maybe I can’t pull it off, considering I am quite a novice. Maybe I should chuck the whole thing… Thankfully my boyfriend talked me out of it, and I decided what I need to do is some character development (which I failed to do when I first started writing, because I hadn’t done any research on how to write yet). But, like I told him, sometimes I feel like I’m just running around in circles getting nowhere fast.

I’m not throwing in the towel just yet, but I need some inspiration or something positive to happen to keep me going.  If you've got any to share, please send it my way!

Is it worth it? (Am I meant to be a writer?)

I'm feeling a little bummed today (possibly b/c I am dieting (again), or maybe b/c I have a huge knot in my upper back and it hurts like hell). For some reason it dawned on me this morning that there are so many writers out there who work hard every day at getting their book written. And so many writers are already published, and no one has ever heard of them. In my internet research the past few months, I've come across blogs & websites from authors that have published five, ten, maybe more books. I had never heard the names of these authors before hearing something about them on a writing/publishing advice site. I never saw their books in the bookstore (or even Amazon). I wonder how many more authors are out there that I've never heard of (well, okay, I bet a lot because apparently many people get published).

So what I'm wondering is this: is it worth it? I want it to be, but I just don't know. I work 9-5, Mon - Fri at a job I hate. I am writing with the goal (more like purpose) of getting published and earning enough that I can quit my job and have writing become my "career". But all I keep hearing about is how unlikely that is to happen. Who's going to buy a book by a no-name author they've never heard of? And even if I do sell some books, it probably wont be nearly enough to live off. If I decide to continue writing, I'll have to keep plugging away in the evenings and on weekends, while still stuck doing a job I hate.

On the other hand, I could go back to school in the fall for my bookeeping degree. Then my free time would be devoted to studying, and I'd really have no time for writing. Bookeeping isn't really what I want to do for the rest of my life, but it's probably a lot easier to make a career out of that than writing.

And another thing. I always see quotes about writers having stories inside them that need to come out. Writers NEED to write, they couldn't bear not writing. But I don't feel that way. I enjoy it, sure, or I wouldn't bother. But if I couldn't do it, I'd survive. I don't have stories inside of me that are dying to come out. I find it difficult to make up stories, hard to figure out what comes next. Maybe I'm not cut out for writing after all. I'm just totally and completely unsure of myself today...