When bad things happen to good people (or if I miss this cruise because of snow, my head will explode)

I was contemplating writing a good blog today, maybe something about my nemesis getting three (positive) query replies already and how I want to strangle her for it. Or something about my own lack of motivation to just SIT AND WRITE. I wasted 20 minutes last night searching for a Windows equivalent of Freedom, which only works on Macs. (F*ck you, Apple. Yeah I said it. I don’t believe in monopolies, but I also don’t believe in programs made for one OS but not another.) Freedom is an awesome program that can block your internet usage for a certain amount of time. So say if I want to write from 7 to 8 pm every night without distractions, I could set it to not let me on the internet during that time. No distractions from twitter or facebook or any other site. Of course there IS no windows equivalent, which angered me. A lot.

But I can’t concentrate on any of those things right now because I am in fear that my vacation this weekend will be ruined by snow. My boyfriend and I are supposed to land in Ft. Lauderdale, FL around 12:50 pm on Friday, and leave on a cruise from the Port of Miami at 4:00 pm. They (moron weather-people) are talking about significant snow on Thursday, which means anything from it could rain on Thurs and snow on Fri, it could snow another 12-18 inches any time between tomorrow and Fri, or we could get nothing. With meteorologists, you never know.

What I do know is that if our flight is delayed more than an hour or two, chances are we will not make our cruise (yes I know we should’ve given ourselves more time in between, but neither of us have been on a cruise before and we didn’t take flight delays into account because… well I guess we just weren’t thinking!). I need a vacation so badly right now. I know everyone says that, but I really mean it. I am at my wits end with my job (hate it, especially my boss), with this sh*tty weather, and with feeling stressed all the time. If this vacation is ruined, it is possible my blood pressure will reach numbers never before seen.

The worst part about it is there’s nothing I can do about it. I can’t control the weather, I can’t force the plane to take off on time, I can’t make the cruise ship wait for us if our flight is delayed. All I can do is HOPE (if I prayed I’d do that instead, but I don’t). I hate where there’s nothing I can do about a situation. Don’t you? I hate feeling helpless, I guess I am somewhat of a control freak. I don’t so much try to control people, but I need to feel in control of situations. Being not in control makes me mad.

OK I’ve babbled enough. Please cross your fingers, do a rain dance (rain is ok, snow is not), anything to send the good vibes my way. Maybe tomorrow I’ll be able to actually blog about writing!!!!

~Meghan

My nemesis is mailing out queries

While facebook stalking my ex-friend earlier, I learned (from her latest status update of course) that she's begun mailing out query letters to agents.  I, on the other hand, have barely 10k words of my first draft written.  And no, it's not all about her.  And yes, I know no good can come of comparing what she has done / can do to what I have done / can do.  Her story might blow chunks and get rejected 200 times.  Or it might get published in six months and land on the NY Times best seller list.  Either way, it won't have any effect what happens with my story.  It wont make the chances of me finishing and publishing my novel any better or worse.  But still, it's a little depressing that she's so far ahead of me (and yes, I know it's not a race).

I was talking to a girl at my job today and telling her about how I've been writing lately.  She asked me how much I'd done so far and I told her I'd written 10,000 words.  Her response was "Only 10,000?"  Seriously?!?!?   I have a job, a boyfriend, a dog and occasionally even a life!!!!!  I don't think she comprehends how hard 10,000 words is to write!  Not to mention she's younger than me and she has a lot more energy!  She can handle working all day & then taking night classes 5 days a week.  I would not be able to do that.  I would absolutely love to have more energy, because 99% of the time I am tired.  Sometimes just a teeny bit tired, sometimes completely exhausted (even in the middle of the day).  But I struggle with it 24/7/365 (and yes, I've had a lot of medical tests done and no, the doctors can't seem to figure out a reason for it) which makes it even harder for me to write as much as I'd like to.

On that note, I am off to drive my boyfriend to the bar.  I could hang out there with him, but unfortunately I'm too tired and I'd rather go to bed early (it's 9:20 on a Friday night).  Until next time...

~Meghan

Snowed in (or why I hate New York)

Every winter I get depressed.  I hate the cold, and I despise the snow.  Today we are getting our first really bad storm.  We got 4-5 inches a month or so ago (it was worse for the east end but luckily I'm on the west), but it melted pretty quickly and everything went back to normal.  Right now, parts of Long Island already have anywhere from 2 to 8 inches of snow, and the worst of the storm is yet to come.  There is a blizzard warning in effect until 6 a.m. tomorrow morning.  Thankfully my office closed today, but I am already concerned about what the roads are going to be like tomorrow morning if the snow doesn't end 'till daybreak.  *sigh*

I want out of New York, but unfortunately my boyfriend doesn't want to leave.  We've been dating for a little over three years and we just finally moved in together two months ago.  Not to mention my whole family is here, my friends and everything I know.  I've lived in the same town for my entire life, I never even flew on a plane until two years ago when I finally went to Florida (which I loved).  But I've had enough of this weather.  I hate it.  I want to sit outside and be warm, feel the sun shining on my face.  I want to be able to walk my dog without having to wear a coat and gloves.  I just can't stand the winters here anymore.  Not to mention, where the f*ck is this global warming they've been bitching about for years?  Cuz it sure as hell aint in New York.  (I tend to use bad grammar when I'm angry.)

I hope this is the only big storm of the winter.  They are projecting 8 - 14+ at the moment.  I don't ever want to see that much snow, and if I have to see it today then once had better be enough.  I am cold and sad and tired, and I'm sick of it. 

Winter, you F*CKING SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stupid Jersey Shore!!!!

I wish I knew why I get so addicted to these dumb "reality" t.v. shows.  I resisted this show (and made fun of it) for SO long, until a few weeks ago.  I was at a friend's house who also had never seen the show, so she decided to turn it on and see what it was all about.  It was like a train wreck - it's so horrible that you don't want to watch, but you also can't seem to turn your eyes away.  Then this morning I was flipping channels while lying on the couch w/ my boyfriend, and guess what's on!  The Jersey Shore marathon!  I told myself I'd only watch ONE episode, and then I'd shower, and begin my day of writing my @ss off.  Well, I'm sure you can guess how that ended!  MTV was on my television until the marathon ended at 6 pm.  I did manage to do a little work on my writing during the commercial breaks which is good!  But certainly not as much as I'd hoped to get done today! 

It seems like I get so absorbed by what complete strangers on t.v. are doing that I just want to know what happens next.  I guess that relates to why I enjoy reading; I start learning about and relating to certain characters and then I just can't put the book down.  I've spent whole days doing nothing but reading a book because I have to know what happens before I can go out!  How does it end?  Does the couple stay together or break up?  Do the friends stop their fighting, or become mortal enemies? 

Right after the marathon ended, I websurfed for a while and saw a clip from the reunion show where Sammi & Ronnie end it.  I, of course, don't believe it's really over!  So I went searching for info on them (as a couple, not separately), but I didn't find much.  Sammi has a twitter page, but it seems like Ronnie doesn't.  Oh well.

Anyway, enough of this rambling.  Technically I am writing right now, but I'm not working on my novel and that is what I need to go do!  My boyfriend is at a superbowl party so I have the apartment to myself, there's no better time to get the writing done!  So ta ta for now... oh and if anyone knows the Sammi/Ronnie scoop, leave me a comment, wouldya?  ;-)

I will be writing my @ss off this weekend!

One of the blogs I follow (and really enjoy) - editorial ass - is promoting "write your @ss off weekend", where you choose one day this weekend (Friday - Monday) to spend eight hrs on your writing.  It's kinda like nanowrimo, except there's no crazy goal number that you have to reach, and you don't have to be anti-social for thirty days straight, just one!  I have picked Sunday as my day, b/c my boyfriend will be going to his friend's superbowl party and I personally couldn't care less about either team that made it to the big game.  My plan for Sunday is to follow my usual routine (sleep in, have my plain bagel w/ butter and my mocha frappucino, and go through the circulars and cut coupons) and then jump into writing, hopefully by noon(ish).  Cross your fingers for me!

~Meghan

P.S. If you fiind my blog even a teeny bit interesing, please follow me!  I'm totally new to the blogging world and could use all the help I can get!  :)

Time for Plan B

I was talking to my boyfriend earlier about something that happened at his job that bothered him.  He said to me "I guess it's time for plan B" and I agreed.  It made me realize that it's time for plan B for me as well.  Or, more appropriately, time to make plan B my plan A.  Because my current plan A - stay at this job that I dread going to every day with a boss I can't stand - is just not working out.  For too long I've stayed at jobs I can barely tolerate because I haven't been able to figure out what else to do with myself.  For a brief period I thought going back to school for psychology might be the "thing" I should do, but after ONE night in class I realized I'd been fooling myself.  I've never enjoyed school that much, and I'd have to get a masters degree to get anywhere in the psych field, and I don't even have my bachelors degree (not even CLOSE).

Writing has always had a place (far) in the back of my mind, and I think I finally realize why I've never really pursued it in the past.  Because it takes WORK.  Lots and lots of work.  And, sad to say, I am not a highly motivated person.  I see the quick and easy way working for other people and wonder why I can't be as lucky as them.  Not just the making decent money part, but the finding some kind of enjoyment in their job part.  I go into to work each morning and I only have one goal for the day: make it until 5:00 so I can get out of there and go home. 

I don't want to live like this anymore.  I don't want to feel stuck doing something I don't find the least bit interesting or important.  I am not cut out to be an administrative assistant, and I can't stand being bossed around by holier-than-thou higher ups who can't be bothered making a photocopy for themselves.  I've figured out that there is no "easy way" for me (unless I win the lotto, which would be pretty hard to do considering I don't even play).  I have to be strong, buckle down and tackle my goal.  I have to work for what I want in life.  My ex-plan B, my new plan A: write that freaking novel already!

~Meghan

My First Blog

So here I am, starting a blog. (Okay, this is technically my second attempt at blogging, my first failed miserably when I wrote one post (in April '09) on my blog and then never went back. I'm hoping this time will be different obviously!) I'm never quite sure how to "introduce myself" on these sort of things. It's sort of like filling out one of those eharmony or match.com profiles, which I always used to hate doing. But instead of giving you useless information like my favorite song or what I do for fun, I'll try to get right to the point.

At the age of thirty-one years and eight months (but who's counting?), I finally decided it was time to follow my dream of being a published author. I've always loved to read and write, and I've always been a very fast reader. Unfortunately, I'm not as fast at writing. I also haven't actually finished writing a story since I was in 6th or 7th grade. In high school I wrote mostly poetry (most of which was pretty bad to be honest) and then there was a good five to ten year span where I didn't write much of anything at all. I attempted nanowrimo a few times but never managed to get past 11k words before giving up.

This time I am not giving up. I'll admit that one of the reasons I decided that this time I will accomplish my goal actually has nothing to do with writing. It has to do with... hmmmm I can't think of the right word. It's not exactly jealousy, but it is close. Hatred and contempt sound too harsh. Resentment maybe? Whatever you want to call it, what it comes down to is that a few months ago I found out that my EX-friend just wrote a novel herself. When we were both in high school and even in college we both spent a lot of time talking about writing (and reading), but neither one of us actually did anything with it. But apparently she got laid off from her job last fall and somehow managed to bang out a manuscript in a month or so.

Now before anyone says "you have to want to do it for you" or some other self-helpish type crap, I already know that.  And I do want to do it for me.  But I don't think there's anything wrong with using the fact that she did something that I've always wanted to do before I did it to help motivate me along the way!  I will admit that I facebook stalk her (the dumb bitch ignored my friend request last year, but she doesn't have her profile hidden) sometimes to see if she's posted any new info about her book (she's presently working on her query letter which she's having a tough time with).  And actually, I could probably make a novel based on some crazy things that went on between us during our 10+ years of friendship.  But instead I think I'll save those stories for the occasional blog entry on here (when I'm not blogging about writing of course).

Here's some other things you might wanna know about me and my writing:

• I am currently working on a story about a girl who falls in love with an alien (it's actually a lot more complicated than that but I'll worry about it when it gets to be synopsis time).  I have currently have 4,775 words, which means I have a LONG way to go
• I am taking an online writing class by Holly Lisle (if you like to write and you've never heard of her, definitely check out her website, she's got a ton of info) called "How to Think Sideways".  I'm only on week 3 of the 24 week class (& I haven't done my assignment yet for week 2 lol) so I can't really give an opinion on it just yet, but if anyone has questions about it, feel free to ask me
• I work full-time so I don't get as much time to write as I'd like.  When I'm not at work, I try to balance my time between writing, internet surfing (mostly checking out blogs and other websites about writing/publishing), hanging with my boyfriend, friends, family, and dog, watching a few t.v. shows I can't live without (House, Fringe, Lost & Grey's Anatomy to name a few), reading books about writing, and sleep (which I need way too much of unfortunately!). 
• I plan on blogging mostly about my writing, or about interesting things I've learned on other writing sites.  But there'll most likely be random rants thrown in, and I'll probably share some stories about the bitch (since I don't want to use her real name, I'll just call her Bitch lol) and I when I feel like writing but can't think of anything else to write about

Well I think that about covers it for now.  I promise I'll try to get more interesting as my posts go on.  If anyone has any suggestions, feel free to let me know!  Until next time...


~Meghan