Not to say that every writer out there suffers from depression. But I do believe depression is common, for a number of reasons. I read a great quote this morning which is actually the inspiration for this post: “depression is anger turned inwards”. That explains so much for me. I have always had anger issues and depression, stemming from childhood. (I’d like to say “I have a dysfunctional family”, but that phrase doesn’t carry nearly the same amount of weight that it once did. Now everyone says (or thinks) their family is dysfunctional.)
I’ve suffered from depression for as long as I can remember. My classmates in eighth grade signed my yearbook with messages like “cheer up, it’ll get better” and “don’t kill yourself”. I’ve gone to shrinks, I’ve tried a ton of different medications. I’m at the point where my depression has become “manageable”. But I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I will most likely suffer from it for the rest of my life.
I’ve also always loved to read and write, since I was very young. Reading has always been an escape for me. If the story is good, I get sucked right into it. I can forget about what’s going on IRL (in real life) for a little while. I block the whole world out when I read, and if the world minds I tell it to bite me.
Writing is a bit different for me. I need to concentrate on the words I’m typing. It’s a lot more difficult than reading. So while I do enjoy it, it seems a lot more like work than reading is. That itself may stem from my depression, though. My feeling of not being good enough. Everything I write is crap. How many times have I said to myself “this story sucks, I should just chuck it and start a new one”? More times than I can count. Depression makes me think my ideas suck, and thinking my ideas suck makes me depressed. It’s a lose-lose.
What about you, readers? Do you struggle with depression as well? Do you think the fact that you choose to write has anything to do with it? Or are you a happy-go-lucky writer who doesn’t see how depression and writing could ever be related? Share!
Wednesday, June 30
Monday, June 28
Why writers make excuses: What if it’s not fear? What if it’s just laziness / lack of motivation?
In my second-to-last post, I pondered the possibility of getting more writing done without my laptop. As you know if you read my previous post, I got some writing done – but at work, not at home. Last Monday & Tuesday I got around 200 words (total) written, some at work and the rest using my alphasmart. Then my laptop returned on Wednesday, which was earlier than I’d expected.
I haven’t done any writing (just a little revising) since it’s return. I did a little on Thursday at work, but nothing on Friday or over the whole weekend.
Here’s the kicker – I even bought a new desk on Friday so I’d have my own little writing area instead of being stuck either on the couch or at the dining room table. It didn’t work. The unbearable heat this weekend probably played a factor in my complete lack of motivation, but I still feel crappy about it. I didn’t even look at my WIP until 6:30ish last night, and I only spent about an hour editing it before I gave up.
I can’t understand why I continue to self-sabotage myself. When I’m at my day job I can squeeze in some time to write. But when the weekend comes and I have a ton of free time, I can’t get anything accomplished! At first I thought it was fear; fear of success, fear of failure, fear of change. Now I’m thinking there’s more to it than that. When I really want to do something, I find a way to do it. I am good at organizing things, and I’m good at using my brain to figure things out (at work for example). So why do I keep NOT doing everything I need to do in order to finish this book???
It’s so much easier to just sit down and read a book than it is to try to write one. I’ve always loved reading and it comes naturally. Writing – although I have done some over the past 20+ years – does not come naturally at all. Because it’s harder? Because I’m lazy and don’t like to have to put forth a lot of effort if I don’t have to? What is it?!?
Maybe I should talk to a shrink, but I really can’t afford that at the moment (even with health insurance, the co-pays are outta control). All I can do at the moment is try to figure it out on my own. If that doesn’t work, I’ll just have to push myself to write, despite the nagging voice inside my head that tells me I should just pick a book out of my TBR pile instead of opening that word document. I only wish I could shut that annoying voice up for good, and keep on writing.
“Nobody said it was easy, but no one ever said it would be this hard” - Coldplay
I haven’t done any writing (just a little revising) since it’s return. I did a little on Thursday at work, but nothing on Friday or over the whole weekend.
Here’s the kicker – I even bought a new desk on Friday so I’d have my own little writing area instead of being stuck either on the couch or at the dining room table. It didn’t work. The unbearable heat this weekend probably played a factor in my complete lack of motivation, but I still feel crappy about it. I didn’t even look at my WIP until 6:30ish last night, and I only spent about an hour editing it before I gave up.
I can’t understand why I continue to self-sabotage myself. When I’m at my day job I can squeeze in some time to write. But when the weekend comes and I have a ton of free time, I can’t get anything accomplished! At first I thought it was fear; fear of success, fear of failure, fear of change. Now I’m thinking there’s more to it than that. When I really want to do something, I find a way to do it. I am good at organizing things, and I’m good at using my brain to figure things out (at work for example). So why do I keep NOT doing everything I need to do in order to finish this book???
It’s so much easier to just sit down and read a book than it is to try to write one. I’ve always loved reading and it comes naturally. Writing – although I have done some over the past 20+ years – does not come naturally at all. Because it’s harder? Because I’m lazy and don’t like to have to put forth a lot of effort if I don’t have to? What is it?!?
Maybe I should talk to a shrink, but I really can’t afford that at the moment (even with health insurance, the co-pays are outta control). All I can do at the moment is try to figure it out on my own. If that doesn’t work, I’ll just have to push myself to write, despite the nagging voice inside my head that tells me I should just pick a book out of my TBR pile instead of opening that word document. I only wish I could shut that annoying voice up for good, and keep on writing.
“Nobody said it was easy, but no one ever said it would be this hard” - Coldplay
Monday, June 21
A generous (writing-related) gift from a stranger
When I was in my plot obsession mode a month or two ago, I came across something (online) called the Prescription for Plotting workbook. I thought it sounded great and I wanted to purchase it. When I saw the price (which is quite reasonable, but unfortunately I am eternally broke), I sent an email to the woman (Carolyn Greene) who created the workbook, asking her if it could be purchased in .pdf form for a lower price. She replied and asked me for my mailing address so I gave it to her.
A few days later, I received a package in the mail. Carolyn had sent me a plot workbook as a gift! I was so surprised; I’m not used to such generosity from complete strangers. I felt a little strange accepting something without giving anything in return, so I sent her $10 by paypal. I also told her that I was going to blog about her kindness, in the hopes that maybe someone out there who needs some plot help might find out about her workbook and realize it’s the perfect thing for them!
The workbook consists of a 3-ring binder that holds a folder, a spiral notebook, a pencil case with a pencil and post-its, and plotting worksheets. (More info is available on her site, so please go check it out.) I’ve only skimmed through the workbook as of yet because I had a busy weekend, but there is some great stuff on Carolyn’s plotting sheets! She really knows what she’s talking about!
If you need some help with plotting, or know anyone else who does, I highly recommend the Prescription for Plotting workbook. You can make copies of her worksheets so that you can use it for each and every story you write. If you'd like to pass this story along, please feel free to do so. I am very grateful to Carolyn for giving me something that she obviously put a lot of time and hard work into.
One last thing – how am I doing without my laptop? Eh, not so good. I managed to write almost 1,400 words on Thursday and over 700 on Friday... but that was at work (I love slow days lol!). I got just about nothing accomplished this weekend, except I did start reading “Contact” by Susan Grant because it’s a paranormal romance, and I know you’re supposed to read as many books as possible in the genre you’re writing in. I like it a lot so far, 2 thumbs up. But let’s hope I get my laptop back soon, preferably by Friday or Saturday!
That’s all for now, hope everyone had a nice weekend (& I hope Friday gets here before we know it!)!
A few days later, I received a package in the mail. Carolyn had sent me a plot workbook as a gift! I was so surprised; I’m not used to such generosity from complete strangers. I felt a little strange accepting something without giving anything in return, so I sent her $10 by paypal. I also told her that I was going to blog about her kindness, in the hopes that maybe someone out there who needs some plot help might find out about her workbook and realize it’s the perfect thing for them!
The workbook consists of a 3-ring binder that holds a folder, a spiral notebook, a pencil case with a pencil and post-its, and plotting worksheets. (More info is available on her site, so please go check it out.) I’ve only skimmed through the workbook as of yet because I had a busy weekend, but there is some great stuff on Carolyn’s plotting sheets! She really knows what she’s talking about!
If you need some help with plotting, or know anyone else who does, I highly recommend the Prescription for Plotting workbook. You can make copies of her worksheets so that you can use it for each and every story you write. If you'd like to pass this story along, please feel free to do so. I am very grateful to Carolyn for giving me something that she obviously put a lot of time and hard work into.
One last thing – how am I doing without my laptop? Eh, not so good. I managed to write almost 1,400 words on Thursday and over 700 on Friday... but that was at work (I love slow days lol!). I got just about nothing accomplished this weekend, except I did start reading “Contact” by Susan Grant because it’s a paranormal romance, and I know you’re supposed to read as many books as possible in the genre you’re writing in. I like it a lot so far, 2 thumbs up. But let’s hope I get my laptop back soon, preferably by Friday or Saturday!
That’s all for now, hope everyone had a nice weekend (& I hope Friday gets here before we know it!)!
Wednesday, June 16
Will I get MORE or LESS writing done without my laptop for a week? (An experiment forced upon me by HP)
My new-ish (bought it about a year ago) laptop needs to be sent to HP to have its random shutting off problem fixed. I shipped it today, and am already having withdrawals. (I am writing this now on my work computer and will probably finish it on my boyfriend’s computer later, if you’re wondering). I know I’ll be without it this weekend, but I hope I at least get it back by next Friday or Saturday.
The good thing is that at least I have an alphasmart (a.ka. Dana or Neo)! (For those of you who don’t know what they are, you should totally check them out. Much cheaper and lighter than a laptop, perfect if all you really need it for is writing. And you can almost always find a decent amount of them selling for pretty cheap on ebay.) I just hope that I’ll actually use it for the next 5-10 (???) days while my laptop is MIA!
And of course I can also use this laptop-free time to read. I’ve bought a few books on craft that I haven’t done more than skim b/c I’m always on my laptop. I also have a few books on my new kindle my boyfriend got me for my birthday a month ago. Not to mention I'll have time for some non-writing or reading activities (*gasp* did I really write that? LOL) So maybe this time without a laptop will end up being beneficial to me. Guess only time will tell!
I'll keep y'all posted on how I’m surviving without my addiction to constant internet availability. I've been thinking that I really need a break from it anyway, I've become way too wrapped up in tweeting, blogging (more reading than posting obviously lol), workshopping, etc. over the past few months & haven't spent enough time on my actual writing. What about you guys? Do you find yourself wasting way too much time on the internet? And if so. do you force yourself to take a break once in a while, or do you just make excuses (like I usually do) and say you're doing "research" or taking a "quick" (which it never is!) break etc.?
The good thing is that at least I have an alphasmart (a.ka. Dana or Neo)! (For those of you who don’t know what they are, you should totally check them out. Much cheaper and lighter than a laptop, perfect if all you really need it for is writing. And you can almost always find a decent amount of them selling for pretty cheap on ebay.) I just hope that I’ll actually use it for the next 5-10 (???) days while my laptop is MIA!
And of course I can also use this laptop-free time to read. I’ve bought a few books on craft that I haven’t done more than skim b/c I’m always on my laptop. I also have a few books on my new kindle my boyfriend got me for my birthday a month ago. Not to mention I'll have time for some non-writing or reading activities (*gasp* did I really write that? LOL) So maybe this time without a laptop will end up being beneficial to me. Guess only time will tell!
I'll keep y'all posted on how I’m surviving without my addiction to constant internet availability. I've been thinking that I really need a break from it anyway, I've become way too wrapped up in tweeting, blogging (more reading than posting obviously lol), workshopping, etc. over the past few months & haven't spent enough time on my actual writing. What about you guys? Do you find yourself wasting way too much time on the internet? And if so. do you force yourself to take a break once in a while, or do you just make excuses (like I usually do) and say you're doing "research" or taking a "quick" (which it never is!) break etc.?
Thursday, June 10
Blogging etiquette, or what’s your stance on following and commenting?
I read a blog post a few days ago that got me thinking. It concerned how people keep up with their blogs – should we respond to every comment left for us and should we follow every blogger that becomes a follower of ours? I’m not going to name names (or sites) because the blogger who wrote this particular post isn't following me, despite the fact that I started following her a few months back. She writes about us (writers, bloggers, whatever) being so busy that we just don’t have time to follow everyone back, and respond to every comment we get.
Well the commenting thing I get. And honestly I read a lot of blogs without leaving comments, not because I am too busy but because I don’t have anything to add. Sometimes I don’t know enough about the subject of the post to really have an opinion. Other times I see that my thoughts/opinions have already been stated by someone else, better than I could’ve said it myself. It feels dumb to me to just leave a comment so that someone knows I was there. But I’m curious to know: would you prefer that? Would you like someone who read your blog to leave a comment just to say “I read your blog, good job” or something like that?
As for the following (or not following as the case may be) bloggers back, that I don’t understand. I follow nearly 100 blogs. Yes it’s time consuming to read all the posts (especially in the morning, cuz it seems that everyone posts after I go to bed at night lol). But you know what? If I don’t have the time, I don’t read every post! If something sounds completely uninteresting to me, I skip it. Does this make me a horrible person (please say no)? And, to be honest, there are a few blogs I follow only because they follow me. Would you be mad/upset to discover that someone followed you on blogger just to reciprocate your following them, but they rarely, if ever, actually read your posts? (Just curious again, folks.)
Personally, my answer to that is a resounding NO. Do I want all my followers to read every single one my posts? Eh, it’s not that big of a deal to me. Sometimes I know that I don’t have much to say, and I wouldn’t want someone to waste their time on a post that bored them to tears. I really wouldn’t mind if someone only followed me to be polite. Because I’d still have the numbers, and the numbers are what count to the editors and publishers. They want to know how many blog followers do you have? How many twitter, facebook, myspace (well maybe not myspace, does anyone even use that site anymore???) followers/friends do you have?
So please, feel free to follow me and never read a word I say! Feel free to tell your friends or blog followers that if they want an extra follower (who may or may not actually read their posts), they should come on over to my blog and follow me, and I will happily follow them back!
I am curious to know what other bloggers’ opinions are. Do you agree or disagree with what I wrote? (I promise I won’t be mad if you disagree lol.) Do you think it’s more important to actually get feedback on your posts than to just be able to say you have 100 followers? Do you only want people to follow you if they are going to read everything you say? Let me know what ya’ll think!
Well the commenting thing I get. And honestly I read a lot of blogs without leaving comments, not because I am too busy but because I don’t have anything to add. Sometimes I don’t know enough about the subject of the post to really have an opinion. Other times I see that my thoughts/opinions have already been stated by someone else, better than I could’ve said it myself. It feels dumb to me to just leave a comment so that someone knows I was there. But I’m curious to know: would you prefer that? Would you like someone who read your blog to leave a comment just to say “I read your blog, good job” or something like that?
As for the following (or not following as the case may be) bloggers back, that I don’t understand. I follow nearly 100 blogs. Yes it’s time consuming to read all the posts (especially in the morning, cuz it seems that everyone posts after I go to bed at night lol). But you know what? If I don’t have the time, I don’t read every post! If something sounds completely uninteresting to me, I skip it. Does this make me a horrible person (please say no)? And, to be honest, there are a few blogs I follow only because they follow me. Would you be mad/upset to discover that someone followed you on blogger just to reciprocate your following them, but they rarely, if ever, actually read your posts? (Just curious again, folks.)
Personally, my answer to that is a resounding NO. Do I want all my followers to read every single one my posts? Eh, it’s not that big of a deal to me. Sometimes I know that I don’t have much to say, and I wouldn’t want someone to waste their time on a post that bored them to tears. I really wouldn’t mind if someone only followed me to be polite. Because I’d still have the numbers, and the numbers are what count to the editors and publishers. They want to know how many blog followers do you have? How many twitter, facebook, myspace (well maybe not myspace, does anyone even use that site anymore???) followers/friends do you have?
So please, feel free to follow me and never read a word I say! Feel free to tell your friends or blog followers that if they want an extra follower (who may or may not actually read their posts), they should come on over to my blog and follow me, and I will happily follow them back!
I am curious to know what other bloggers’ opinions are. Do you agree or disagree with what I wrote? (I promise I won’t be mad if you disagree lol.) Do you think it’s more important to actually get feedback on your posts than to just be able to say you have 100 followers? Do you only want people to follow you if they are going to read everything you say? Let me know what ya’ll think!
Monday, June 7
Goal of a big writing weekend = epic FAIL
Remember my lofty goal of getting 5,000 words written this past weekend? Well, take off one of those zeros and you’ll be a lot closer to the amount I actually wrote. I wrote 486 words of a new chapter, and then I did a little editing of the last few chapters I had worked on (my chapters are very short b/c each one is in a different POV – odd numbers in my FMC’s and even numbers in my MMC’s). So I might’ve written a little more than 500, but I also deleted a few things here and there so that could’ve brought my total word count down a bit *sigh*
My new goal is to write at least an hour a day Mon - Fri, from 7-8 on weekdays (obviously if I have to do something during that hour, I will have to reschedule the time) and try to get at least an hour total of writing done on the weekends. Hopefully with crappy weather weekends I’ll get more done, to make up for weekends that I’m at bbqs or whatever else. I told Mike about it, and I told him to make sure I stick to it. Hopefully he will help.
I also have a non-writing goal, one I’ve had for months but haven’t stuck to at all – losing weight! My cholesterol is 240 or so (I can’t remember the exact number) and I am 30-40 pounds overweight (I haven’t weighed myself in months but I know that half my clothes are becoming too tight on me and that is NOT good). So I need to start eating better like now. I wanted to start getting up earlier this morning to do a little exercise, but I slept like sh*t last night cuz it was hot in the bedroom even with the a/c on. So I’m gonna attempt to do a little after work, maybe I’ll pop on one of my many exercise videos lol.
How bout you guys? Did you have a good weekend, writing-wise or otherwise? Have you been keeping up with the goals you’ve set for yourself? If not, are you beating yourself up over it?
My new goal is to write at least an hour a day Mon - Fri, from 7-8 on weekdays (obviously if I have to do something during that hour, I will have to reschedule the time) and try to get at least an hour total of writing done on the weekends. Hopefully with crappy weather weekends I’ll get more done, to make up for weekends that I’m at bbqs or whatever else. I told Mike about it, and I told him to make sure I stick to it. Hopefully he will help.
I also have a non-writing goal, one I’ve had for months but haven’t stuck to at all – losing weight! My cholesterol is 240 or so (I can’t remember the exact number) and I am 30-40 pounds overweight (I haven’t weighed myself in months but I know that half my clothes are becoming too tight on me and that is NOT good). So I need to start eating better like now. I wanted to start getting up earlier this morning to do a little exercise, but I slept like sh*t last night cuz it was hot in the bedroom even with the a/c on. So I’m gonna attempt to do a little after work, maybe I’ll pop on one of my many exercise videos lol.
How bout you guys? Did you have a good weekend, writing-wise or otherwise? Have you been keeping up with the goals you’ve set for yourself? If not, are you beating yourself up over it?
Friday, June 4
Friday night check-in, or how am I doing with my goals?
Last night I didn't get any writing done at all, I was feeling kinda depressed and tired, so my mind was not in the right (write lol) place. I went to bed by 10:30, which I haven't done in a few weeks actually. But I did manage to finish my outline! I did it at work when I had some free time *wink*
It's almost 9 pm now, and unfortunately I haven't done any writing yet tonight. Of course I did spend over half an hour on the phone with HP because my laptop is fraked up (I will be shipping it out to them soon, which is gonna be devastating for me cuz then I'll have to share Mike's computer for a week or so, waaaaaaaah). I also cleaned the kitchen and the bathroom (yuck), ran to the dollar store to get napkins, cups & a table cloth for the party, and baked cupcakes (also for the party). So that took up a large part of my evening unfortunately.
The good news is that since I got all of that stuff done tonight, I won't have to do it tomorrow and will be able to devote almost the whole day to writing! The bad news (well, it's good news, but bad for me getting my writing done) is that plans changed with Mike and his friends and they are now coming back late tomorrow night instead of Sunday night. So it will be much harder for me to get writing done on Sunday, but I'm gonna try anyway!
Well I guess that's it for now! I'll probably post again on Sunday and let everyone know if I actually got some words down in my WIP! Have a great weekend!!!!! :)
It's almost 9 pm now, and unfortunately I haven't done any writing yet tonight. Of course I did spend over half an hour on the phone with HP because my laptop is fraked up (I will be shipping it out to them soon, which is gonna be devastating for me cuz then I'll have to share Mike's computer for a week or so, waaaaaaaah). I also cleaned the kitchen and the bathroom (yuck), ran to the dollar store to get napkins, cups & a table cloth for the party, and baked cupcakes (also for the party). So that took up a large part of my evening unfortunately.
The good news is that since I got all of that stuff done tonight, I won't have to do it tomorrow and will be able to devote almost the whole day to writing! The bad news (well, it's good news, but bad for me getting my writing done) is that plans changed with Mike and his friends and they are now coming back late tomorrow night instead of Sunday night. So it will be much harder for me to get writing done on Sunday, but I'm gonna try anyway!
Well I guess that's it for now! I'll probably post again on Sunday and let everyone know if I actually got some words down in my WIP! Have a great weekend!!!!! :)
Wednesday, June 2
Will my “to do” list actually help me get something done?
In my last post, I said I was going to get my plot outline done by (last) Friday so that I could do some writing over the weekend. Not only did I not get any writing done this weekend, but I didn’t even start my outline.
I could sit here all day and make up excuses about why I didn’t get to write this weekend. I went to too many bbqs, I had to help my boyfriend clean the apartment, I wasn’t feeling well Monday (not hungover, just worn out), etc. But the truth is, I could’ve gotten at least a little writing done this weekend if I had really tried. Instead I wasted too much time on the internet, went to a few bbqs (of my own free will) and started paying more attention to Mike’s favorite new show (“Battlestar Galatica” – not technically new, but new to both of us) than my WIP.
Now it’s Wednesday and I’m back at work. And since Mike is going away with his friends from tomorrow until Sunday night, I spent last night watching tv with him and tonight we’re going to the local fair. I don’t expect to get any writing done tonight but I plan to make up for it this weekend (I hope!).
I am making new goals for the rest of the week/weekend, and these I have no excuse not to keep. I have all of Thursday and Friday nights free, all day Saturday - until I have friends over at 8 pm - and all day Sunday until he gets home sometime after 9 pm. The only thing I have to do in all that time is clean up the apartment and buy some snacks for my get-together Sat night.
So here is my “to do while Mike is away” list:
Complete WIP plot outline
Finish my character worksheets for 2 MCs
Work on my “vision board”
Fill out monthly and five-year goal worksheets
Write at least 5k words in WIP
I want you to hold me accountable for these! I am going to try to check in quick on Fri, Sat and Sun and let you all know how I’m doing and if I’m making progress on my goals. If I’m not, feel free to caps lock at me and tell me to get on it already!
Do you make to do lists or goal sheets for yourself to keep you on track? Do they work? If not, what does work for you?
I could sit here all day and make up excuses about why I didn’t get to write this weekend. I went to too many bbqs, I had to help my boyfriend clean the apartment, I wasn’t feeling well Monday (not hungover, just worn out), etc. But the truth is, I could’ve gotten at least a little writing done this weekend if I had really tried. Instead I wasted too much time on the internet, went to a few bbqs (of my own free will) and started paying more attention to Mike’s favorite new show (“Battlestar Galatica” – not technically new, but new to both of us) than my WIP.
Now it’s Wednesday and I’m back at work. And since Mike is going away with his friends from tomorrow until Sunday night, I spent last night watching tv with him and tonight we’re going to the local fair. I don’t expect to get any writing done tonight but I plan to make up for it this weekend (I hope!).
I am making new goals for the rest of the week/weekend, and these I have no excuse not to keep. I have all of Thursday and Friday nights free, all day Saturday - until I have friends over at 8 pm - and all day Sunday until he gets home sometime after 9 pm. The only thing I have to do in all that time is clean up the apartment and buy some snacks for my get-together Sat night.
So here is my “to do while Mike is away” list:
Complete WIP plot outline
Finish my character worksheets for 2 MCs
Work on my “vision board”
Fill out monthly and five-year goal worksheets
Write at least 5k words in WIP
I want you to hold me accountable for these! I am going to try to check in quick on Fri, Sat and Sun and let you all know how I’m doing and if I’m making progress on my goals. If I’m not, feel free to caps lock at me and tell me to get on it already!
Do you make to do lists or goal sheets for yourself to keep you on track? Do they work? If not, what does work for you?
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