In my second-to-last post, I pondered the possibility of getting more writing done without my laptop. As you know if you read my previous post, I got some writing done – but at work, not at home. Last Monday & Tuesday I got around 200 words (total) written, some at work and the rest using my alphasmart. Then my laptop returned on Wednesday, which was earlier than I’d expected.
I haven’t done any writing (just a little revising) since it’s return. I did a little on Thursday at work, but nothing on Friday or over the whole weekend.
Here’s the kicker – I even bought a new desk on Friday so I’d have my own little writing area instead of being stuck either on the couch or at the dining room table. It didn’t work. The unbearable heat this weekend probably played a factor in my complete lack of motivation, but I still feel crappy about it. I didn’t even look at my WIP until 6:30ish last night, and I only spent about an hour editing it before I gave up.
I can’t understand why I continue to self-sabotage myself. When I’m at my day job I can squeeze in some time to write. But when the weekend comes and I have a ton of free time, I can’t get anything accomplished! At first I thought it was fear; fear of success, fear of failure, fear of change. Now I’m thinking there’s more to it than that. When I really want to do something, I find a way to do it. I am good at organizing things, and I’m good at using my brain to figure things out (at work for example). So why do I keep NOT doing everything I need to do in order to finish this book???
It’s so much easier to just sit down and read a book than it is to try to write one. I’ve always loved reading and it comes naturally. Writing – although I have done some over the past 20+ years – does not come naturally at all. Because it’s harder? Because I’m lazy and don’t like to have to put forth a lot of effort if I don’t have to? What is it?!?
Maybe I should talk to a shrink, but I really can’t afford that at the moment (even with health insurance, the co-pays are outta control). All I can do at the moment is try to figure it out on my own. If that doesn’t work, I’ll just have to push myself to write, despite the nagging voice inside my head that tells me I should just pick a book out of my TBR pile instead of opening that word document. I only wish I could shut that annoying voice up for good, and keep on writing.
“Nobody said it was easy, but no one ever said it would be this hard” - Coldplay
1 comment:
perhaps you just work better under pressure? At work you have lots of other things going on and you know when you get a free minute it might be your ONLY free minute so you take advantage of it? But when you have lots of free time, there's no real incentive to do it now as opposed to later...at least that's how I am!
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